Day 3 – it all ends

Got up during the night to change the baby’s hot water bottle, and set alarm to feed at 5am. Had great feed. She was sleepy and cuddly. Changed hot water bottle and put her back to sleep.

Checked her before left to take kids to school at 7am. She was sleeping soundly. Got back at 8am to find her box empty. Our domestic worker, and chicken lover extraordinaire Nicky, and I searched the house for her. It soon became apparent that our dog, Stella, had got into the bathroom and eaten our baby bird.

The realisation of what had happened was a huge shock. I felt devastated for our little girl’s life to end in such a way. I felt guilty, I felt sad, I felt overwhelmed. I played leaving the house over and over in my head trying to figure out if I left the door open, or if I had shut it. Had Stella opened it on her own (something she has been known to do), had someone else in the house left it open. I don’t know. I feel very responsible.

Feeling very sorry for our baby, I then began to feel very sorry for myself. I wanted to stop what we are doing with the chickens and birds. I wanted to bow out of the responsibility I have taken on ……however when I pulled myself together….this is neither useful, nor fair to the many birds we have given a better quality of life to, and the chickens that we have not met yet, who will have better lives.

To find meaning in this is hard. If there is a lesson to learn, which I want there to be, so that her little life was not in vain.  She gave us 3 days of immense joy and love, and I learned so much from her being here for the next rescue. Maybe it is to highlight and heighten our awareness around safety, something we are so careful about, but in the rush of morning routine, we may have dropped a ball, and we can’t go back.

I am so sorry little angel. You touched all of our hearts in this short time.

Om mani padme hum.

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